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Make Coffee, Not War.
Oct. 28th, 2009
05:04 pm
She sat down and looked around...green grass, whitewashed buildings, a giant tree towering beside the buildings, a calm yet imposing figure. In the heat of the afternoon, the tree cast wild, intricate shadows on the grass below. Everything was as perfect as a dream. She had eaten a full lunch and was holding a glass of champagne in her right hand, ready to make a toast to the life that had been so kind to her.
She raised her glass up to the glare of the sun, which melted the drink and caused tiny droplets to form on the outside. The brightness forced her to squint into something, and immediately, her eyes focused on the droplets. Within them she saw that there was....nothing. Why are the buildings or even the grass not reflected in them? she thought. Surely, it was the order of nature that the droplets would reflect the surroundings if you bothered to stare hard enough at them.
She looked up with a start and gave a tiny gasp. Suddenly, everything had simply....disappeared.
Oct. 24th, 2009
12:03 am
I'm a sentimental fool and I will keep on loving you even if you break my heart, again and again.
Aug. 3rd, 2009
06:23 pm - Retribution
Don't you hate it when things that annoy you creep up, but you realise that it might be some form of retribution so you know you have no choice but to suck it up? Oh well.
Jun. 22nd, 2009
09:54 am
Oh my goodness....the H1N1 mania has finally hit me. My parents now disapprove of me going to BKK. My friends are going to be way pissed - and its a little more complicated than that, because my friend was the one who booked the ticket. So I'm not sure if it's only retractable if all three decide they want out, or what.
Logistical complications aside, I would also feel guilty if something happened whilst I was there or when I get back. There would be absolutely nothing to say, my parents would be pissed off, it would just suck. SIGH.
Well if it doesnt work out, I'm definitely attacking the Mango sale with renewed vigour.
Jun. 21st, 2009
12:41 pm - For want of perfection
You know how everyone says that it's good to be all-rounded, able to reach a certain minimum standard in all things humans aspire to do, including but not limited to math, science, humanities, sports, art, music, language. I find that my life's achievements have been defined by these minimum standards I set out to achieve - I always feel like I should aspire to reach a certain standard if I think I show some talent in that particular field. So I go about trying to achieve it.
The problem is that somewhere along the way I develop a perfectionist complex. I decide, almost subconsciously, that I must be the best at what I'm trying to do. Trying my dead best creates bigger and bigger expectations for myself. Being stuck in the Singapore education system makes me feel like I must get an A where results of that activity are concerned, no less. If I haven't, something must be wrong, I must have "screwed up" somewhere along the way. Because that's all that matters at the end of the day, no? I suppose there's something right about that mentality, because our system has produced some very respectable individuals who really excel in all fields per criteria above.
But shit. I struggle to figure out what it is I really enjoy: the thrill of getting an A, or the thrill of doing that particular activity in the first place? Is it the process or the outcome? If I am disappointed at getting a B, does that mean the grade was all that I was aiming for in the first place?
May. 25th, 2009
May. 17th, 2009
04:44 am - Like a beautiful summer's day
The past few weeks have been absolutely brilliant; it feels like a sweet reward for something that I did right in the past (although I'm not exactly sure what that may be). I can't think of any better way to have spent the days of my early twenties. Sure, I burned lots of money in the process, but I always feel like spending in the way of good food and good fun is never a waste in times of youth. When else can you live life to this extent of full happiness? It's when you're young that you can eat to your tummy's content, spend days baking in the sun in your bikini, stay out all day and night and get up the next day only to do the same. It's your twenty-three year old body that will fit best into the clothes you buy and give you the radiant smile of confidence that every shiny, bright, young person possesses. After all that's been said and done, I've come to realise that youth is life's most beautiful present, and I cannot do anything less than max out its amazing potential.
What's even better is that I never had to travel to feel this complete in my life. The human relationships I have built by staying put are treasures of the heart that are to remain for a long, long time. Sure, I do feel a little bruised when I see amazing pictures of people who have travelled extensively, of the sights, sounds and smells I may never see. Initially, I was a little depressed seeing my friends leave, one by one, for exotic destinations - because they reminded me how I am unlikely to go anywhere in the near future, and the sense of absence I would feel not being able to call or talk to them when I wanted to. A person close to me tried to advise me that it was all overrated and that staying here did not mean having less of a life. I brushed him aside because I was convinced that my failure to secure any travel destinations only meant that I was stupid and should be punished with the monotony of the Singaporean Way of Life.
I've realised, however, that perhaps he was right. I will never know just how much greener the grass would have been on the other side. What I do know is that the seeds I planted on my side of the grass has begun to sprout tiny, tight little flowerbuds. What I want to do now is to water them every day and watch with pride as they bloom into the colours of crimson and snow.
Apr. 21st, 2009
11:46 am - okay, so this is not really applicable to all of us, or every situation. BUT.
Have we lost the ability to speak to each other? It frightens me sometimes, how we all see silence as the best solution to any given problem.
I used to believe that it was. When anything sours, I used to just shut up, or shut the other person up, confident that I'd found the best answer to the problem. No nagging, breathing down my back, words that would cut through my consciousness and stay embedded deep in the crevices of my brain. Silence would win the game.
But perhaps it isn't. Sometimes, it's worse listening to the silence of a loved one. The shuffling about, the thick air that hangs obstinately in the space between us. There is peace, but pegged at some lowest common denominator. And then you think silently, I love you. Things should not be this way, because they can be so much better, if only we would let a word, or two, come between us again. Not in acrimony but with thought, not in vindictiveness but with sincerity.
Believe in the power of words. Because where they splice you open, they may also heal more generously than silence ever would.
x
Mar. 31st, 2009
Mar. 30th, 2009
12:26 pm - Desperate student call
Never have i been more pissed with my Macintosh. At 9:56AM when I finally decided to upload my media essay, I simply COULDN'T. Knnccb. I tried and tried and at 9:59AM I decided to email my prof to tell him about the problem. Unfortunately in my haste I emailed myself instead. Damn smart. At 10:13AM I finally managed to upload my assignment USING MY PC and I emailed my prof accordingly, explaining my mistake again. As of now, 12:29PM, he hasnt replied me. I'm scared la, I dont want to be docked half a grade like last last sem....argh. this sucks. I am never ever ever going to use my mac to do uploads ever. ARGH. I hate you, Macintosh. I hate you for swaying me with your pretty looks, only to bail out on me when I really need you. Ughhhhh. Now all I can do is to sit tight and wait for news from my prof ): sigh. I'm so afraid that he won't forgive me because I'm already year 3 blah blah I should know better than to submit at the 11th hour. Which is fair as well. I just can't afford to lose any grades la.
Mar. 3rd, 2009
09:45 pm
It seems, these days, that my world is getting smaller and smaller.
Why do you go away, dear friend?
x
Jan. 30th, 2009
08:40 am - Just another day in BTC
So I decided to join the coffee queue - one of the rare times, because I usually cut queue on the good faith of the auntie who works there. She's always on morning shift so I usually just go straight to her - she knows what I need. Heh. Today I decided to vary my order a little, since I was already in queue... and it worked! Kopi-C "gao" not sure if thats the right spelling but it makes for much much better school coffee.
Anyway so whilst queueing, I was just looking around as everyone would...and the strangest sight greeted my eyes. There were these two girls with the exact same...boobs. Yes. I blinked, not really believing what I thought I saw. Same boobs? But yes; both of them were in square-cut tops ala medieval princess style, both had the same boobs. Big and melony and frighteningly altered. Or so I think. That's always my first instinct when I see something too good to be true HAHA. But in this case it wasn't just too good to be true, it was double too good to be true. Which makes the theory all the more plausible, no? Or perhaps they are really just two chinese girls with big boobs poppin out of them clothes.
I also noticed The Girl I Suspect Stays at BRR Too (TGISSBR). She's damn pretty lah, and always very made up, like you could whisk her off to club or snazzy bar at any given moment. I mean, it was 8:25AM. That means if she does stay at BRR, and doesn't drive, she would have to be doing her make up at like 6AM. Well I think she has definitely got to have some secret means of transport here, else it's not actually possible to be so glam at this hour. Or maybe I'm just less of a girl then she is haha.
Alright alright...I was supposed to use this extra time to finish my tutorial. But now I have only 10 min left haha... oops.
Jan. 29th, 2009
01:20 am - Playgrounds.
Red, green, blue, yellow. Plastic primary colours, shining happy faces. Slides swirl you around, heart it races.
I don't ever want to lose this feeling. Ever.
Jan. 19th, 2009
09:51 am
Don't you just HATE IT when small things ruin your otherwise perfect morning??? So I was having a pretty good one, had my usual iced coffee and had even come up with a couple of ideas for a next fashion shoot whilst on my way to school. Texted my loved ones and was kinda looking forward to a short day of lectures (haha only one lecture today - im going to miss this when media law starts) afterwhich i was thinking i could go get my paints for next week etc.
AND THEN. I stepped into the school library, in the usual corner, where theprinter is easily accessible. BUT. As with last week when Deb and I were there, THERE WAS A GROUP OF FRESHIES DISCUSSING THEIR LAWR IN THE LIBRARY. Hello??!!! It's a library. you do your research, print/zap stuff and get the fuck OUT if you wanna talk about it, throwing your stupid half-baked ideas of what the law is. RETARDS. Not only is your discussion far from enlightening or intelligent, YOU ARE JUST FILLING MY EARS WITH RUBBIS
Sigh okay okay haha i should get on with what I came to do in the first place! and just be happy that i now have the protection of the Amardeep Corner. Is this what we seniors must resort to?
Jan. 5th, 2009
02:23 pm
woahhh finally im typing this on my baby fujitsu!!! been having internet problems with it like crazy, not to mention my baby's version of Word and Excel have also gone completely bonkers on me. gaaaah. really not making work any much more fun.
anyway so here i am, skiving off work because i just can't bear to go back. im kinda nearly done with all the stuff i had to do (ive been doing this particular piece of work for 2 whole weeks, if not more). like any other intern im trying to space out my work haha.
so....the holidays have been somewhat routine, oddly enough. im actually looking very much forward to the opening of school! both schools, that is. especially cant wait for art school to open, because we're finally finally finally going into the world of oil yaaaay! very excited hehe cant wait. i've promised myself that when year 4 comes i'm going to paint until im blue in the face (pun not intended!) ive got a few things up in my head already, most probably gonna try to do a vermeer-meets-manet/monet (depending on subject matter). for starters anyway.
its great to have something to look forward to to keep you young at heart yeah (:
Dec. 31st, 2008
Dec. 11th, 2008
02:13 am - 'These things happened. They were glorious...and then we fucked up the end game.'
Just finished watching Charlie Wilson's War (last night the DVD player gave up on me). The quote at the end rang clear and proves true til today: 'These things happened. They were glorious...and then we fucked up the end game'. So the Americans helped the Afghans defeat the Soviets, but they made a hasty exit, refusing to rebuild the country. The quote meant to address that.
With the benefit of hindsight, it simply pained my heart to know that the Americans are doing the exact opposite of what they had done all those years ago in 1987-9. Now that the Soviets/'Communists' are gone, they need to point towards a new source of fear: none other than the very people they helped and befriended! So the quote takes on a new meaning, yet remains unchanged in its premise from the beginning: America does glorious things, but finds new ways of screwing themselves over. America has glorious ideals and aspirations, but in adhering to them, tend to be shortsighted in that they can only see what the country's interests are, but fail to see the bigger picture. This failure destroys them eventually; damaging their interests anyway (read: 9-11).
And who suffers in the end? Those on the ground, of course. One thing the movie did highlight was how perspectives changed when the leaders visited these people. It was somewhat disturbing how they could return to their posh pedestals back in America after the trip, but I guess its something the human mind tends to do for emotional survival sometimes: it tucks away each experience within its own little box of circumstances, it compartmentalizes and organizes our feelings so that they are not altogether too overwhelming for the soul to bear.
Things like this just make me feel rather helpless and slowly, I too start to compartmentalize.
Dec. 9th, 2008
11:30 pm - Morinaga & Blackjack
Hello everyone, I'm writing to blog off my boredom whilst waiting for M to call. He's leaving for Japan in a bit! I'm going to miss him sooo much...sigh quite a few of my closest friends are abroad or going to be abroad soon....Shirin & Tim you are both being greatly missed already! Argh work is going to be soooo draggy without them to sms and call freely ): My minahs are also busy busy busy, so aiyah, I guess it'll just be me and uh the law office. Nice.
Aaaaanyway so I'm also overdosed on Morinaga Choco Chips cookies, they're just soooo rangup and sedap!!!! I started eating them whilst playing Blackjack with my brother. Then I brushed my teeth to prevent myself from eating more because they're supposed to be my snacks for tomorrow at work...but! I started watching Charlie Wilson's War, and suddenly they were all gone. I even had some Ritz Bits to make up for the lack of late night carbs, but nothing beats them cookiesss. Too bad they're so super expensive, $4 for 14 cookies man! and they're TINY cookies which can be finished in one shot (as above).
Also, Tom DeLonge performed at NUS??!!!! Say it isn't so! Because I wont' be able to live it down if I'd really missed it... Oh no oh no....I don't listen to Blink or Boxcar now but I really used to be a huge huge fan when I was little, so I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
Nov. 12th, 2008
11:03 am - The race is long, and maybe we'll never find what we're looking for
Does doing law and art at the same time give me an irreconcilable split personality?
Nov. 10th, 2008
08:10 pm - On the menu for today!
Breakfast + Lunch:
Macs hotcakes + sausage + milo!
Tiramisu by Matteo (real italian dude!)
Dinner: (self-made!)
Roquette salad with pinenuts and italian dressing
Pesto and scallop with pinenuts and tomato, topped with a dash of basil.
Later:
Alta Rica coffee with extra creamy condensed milk
Lotus Caramelised biscuit!
Ahhhh this is how to survive the exams, guys! (: (: (:
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